


Sex Aliens From Mars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by needleyecandy



Series: Silly September [33]
Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Aliens, Bad Decisions, Fuck Or Die, M/M, Thor's Magical Healing Cock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-04 13:09:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12169512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: Loki is out for a night hike when someone unusual crashes to earth. He figures it's got to be worth a lot of money and tucks it into his backpack to take home, but along with the object, he's picked up a virus. And it could be fatal...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't know the cartoon character Foghorn Leghorn, you'll want to click [here](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a0/Foghorn_Leghorn.png) before reading. (How's that for an intro note?)

There was something about night hikes that made things better. Loki wouldn't say that they _put things in perspective_ , because he didn't go for that kind of new age crap, but being out there in the dark, listening to the scurrying feet and flapping wings of nocturnal animals and gazing up at the immensity of space, definitely made his problems seem a lot smaller in comparison.

Comparison was what he needed, too. He'd finally gotten rid of his idiot therapist, who was supposed to help him learn to date people with better taste than to dump him but who had instead been hinting, more and more strongly, that maybe Loki should consider another idea, as well.

"I think you should look at the common denominator," Dr Tomlinson had said. As if he really thought Loki hadn't done that.

"I have. I keep going for people who lack the taste to appreciate me properly. That's what I hired you to fix," he'd explained.

"Perhaps if we look at patterns in your own behavior..."

"Look, I know you think you have all these insights or something but that's really not what I'm here for. Are you going to do your job or not?"

And then Tomlinson had made some weak excuse about how therapy could be difficult but when people opened themselves to it, it could really help.

"So in other words, no," Loki said.

It felt like a huge weight off his shoulders when he walked out of the office that afternoon, but it had sunk back down in the hours that followed as he realized that now he needed to find another therapist if he didn't want to violate his probation. And he really didn't want to do that. He didn't want to go back to jail, where poorly tattooed men threatened him for his bologna sandwiches and everything smelled like feet.

It hadn't been the worst weekend of his life, but it was up there. And then on Monday morning when he had his hearing he found himself before a judge who talked more than a little bit like Foghorn Leghorn and kind of looked like him too, all wattly.

"Please, your honor," Loki had said. "I don't think I could survive in jail."

"It says here that you sent four men to the hospital – tough guys, repeat offenders – for trying to take your bologna sandwiches. I think you can handle yourself," answered the judge.

Loki felt himself go pale. "Yes, that's true. But have you smelled the feet?"

The judge stared down at him. "Son, what exactly is going on with you?"

So Loki had explained about his recent string of bad luck and how he'd tried to figure out a common denominator – how for a while, he'd thought maybe it was just people with wavy hair, but then someone with really tight curls proved that wrong, so now he was thinking perhaps it was moles. He almost asked if the judge thought it would be worthwhile to put 'absolutely no moles' in his dating profile, but as the judge had two large moles right together on one of his wattles Loki decided he might take it the wrong way.

The judge's face had slowly reddened as Loki was speaking, and when he answered he sounded like he was choking. "I'm sentencing you to two years probation. You will check in with your officer once a month and you will see a therapist every two weeks. Clean drug tests, no more breaking the law. Understood?"

"Understood, your honor."

The worst part of being on probation was the fact that he hadn't even meant to steal that car. It had looked _exactly_ like his grandma's Trans Am. She'd been at the Bingo Hall the night before and she'd had a few too many strawberry daiquiris and had to get driven home by the bingo caller.

"I've been after him for months, sweetie," she told him the next day on the phone. "He still has all his own hair and his ass is so perky you wouldn't think he's a day over seventy."

"Seventy? Is that... um..." he mumbled.

"It's all in your perspective. I'm ninety-two. At my age I'm lucky to find one who doesn't have a heart attack on top of me. And when his ass hasn't given in to gravity? Gravy. Now, I'll tell you-"

"Was there something you needed, grandma?" he interrupted. Whatever she was going to tell him, he was pretty sure he didn't want to know.

"I need you to pick up my car and bring it over."

"I don't have any keys."

"Just hotwire it and drive it over here," she said, a little testily for someone asking him the favor, he thought. "I'm sure you can find a video on the internet."

He hadn't realized he had the wrong car until he glanced in the rear-view mirror to look for the source of the sirens and saw the twins sleeping in the back. Even then, if he'd told the truth maybe he could have gotten out of it. If only he hadn't gotten so nervous. Instead he panicked and told the cops that he was worried about the kids getting overheated in an unattended car and so he was trying to find somewhere shady to leave it parked.

Before he knew it, he was being booked into county jail for the weekend to fight a bunch of hardened criminals for horrible food.

But none of that was the point of this chapter. The point was that Loki was getting ready to go on a night hike because those always made everything better.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki got ready as the sun was setting, eating a sensible meal with a good balance of simple and complex carbs, protein, and healthy nut-based fats that could fuel him all night if he needed. While he began the process of digestion he put a few essentials into his backpack.

There was plenty of bottled water plus a variety of trail mixes, and then it was just his night-vision goggles, and his camera with its infrared lens to fit inside. And the snakebite kit, of course, because there were known to be rattlers out where he was going, and he wore the big floppy jacket so that he could put his hands in the pockets and flail it around in case he encountered a mountain lion. Bug spray. Bug bite cream. A panic whistle. An epi-pen in case it turned out he was dangerously allergic to something. Splints and gauze. Then his compass and emergency flares went in the front pouch and he was all ready.

The parking lot at the head of his favorite trail was empty. It usually was, this late in the evening, though he occasionally ran into someone else up here. He liked when it was empty, just him and the great expanse of heaven and those animals that carry out their dark secret lives beneath the stars.

It was a clear sky with a nearly full moon, and he'd chosen to follow the loop that was almost entirely in open fields. His footfalls were hypnotic and it was so easy to lose track of time like this, walking, walking.

Something blinding jolted him from his reverie. He blinked and there it was scorched into his retinas, that bright streak headed straight... over...

 _There_ it was, in the scrub off to his right, glowing faintly. It was bigger than his head. Were parts of skylab still falling? Was it a meteorite? He knew how much those were worth, and one this size could mean the end to all his problems as long as no one else got to it first. He walked even more carefully once he was off-trail, and it was cooling quickly, so that by the time he reached it the glow was gone, leaving it a dull nickel-gray.

A test with the back of his hand showed that it was still too hot to touch and he poured bottle after bottle of water onto it until the heat was only uncomfortable. He ran his fingers over it, then his palms, turning it over and over and seeking something that the moonlight couldn't reveal, but there was nothing. It was a perfectly smooth oblong with no signs of being affected by its searing-hot journey through the atmosphere.

It went into his backpack, just small enough to fit once he crushed his empty water bottles. Whatever it was, he was going to make bank.

Halfway back to the parking lot a brief wave of dizziness washed over him. He would have drunk some water but he'd used it all to cool his prize. He probably should have eaten some trail mix but he didn't. Even with his head swimming he didn't want to take the time to rummage around for a bag. He'd be fine once he was sitting in his car, he decided.

Never before had he noticed how lonely it was out here. There needed to be more people, he needed to be around people. Humans being a social species it made sense that he would need to be around people. A bar. That would make him feel better. He'd go to a bar and have a drink and talk to somebody and they'd take him home – or he'd take them home, he really didn't care – and have sex with him. Yes, that was what he needed. Not _society._ Sex. The more he walked, the more he realized that he needed it. Right now.

There were other people in the parking lot. A whole group, four cars parked next to his and they must all have been cramped full. Perfect.

"Thank goodness you've come," he said, rushing up to them.

"Why? What's wrong? Are you alright?" asked one of the women.

"I'm fine. I just really, really need someone to have sex with me," he said.

"What the fuck?" she said, backing away.

Some of the men came up to form a line between Loki and the women. "All six of you? That's wonderful," Loki told them.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, man, but you better just beat it," said the redhead.

"No, that won't work. I mean, I haven't tried, but I can tell-"

"He means go away!" interrupted another, the tallest. Ooo, he was pretty.

"Please, please, please, you don't understand. It's burning me up, it's killing me."

"I think he's sick," one of the women said, sounding uncertain. "He doesn't sound the way assholes usually sound when they're being... y'know, assholes. I think we should call 911."

"You sure? I don't like people talking that way to my friends," the tall guy said again.

"To be fair, I was talking that way to you, too," Loki pointed out.

"I'm calling for an ambulance," said the first woman.

"Why don't we all just stay right like this while we wait for them to get here," the redhead suggested, still glaring.

Loki realized he was shaking. "Can I sit on the hood of my car?"

"Sit down and stay there."

He nodded meekly. "Okay. But if any of you changes your mind..."


	3. Chapter 3

It felt like forever before the ambulance arrived.

"No sirens?" he asked as the techs piled out.

"Not this late at night. We got a call about a man possibly on drugs or having some type of a break?"

An arm appeared from between the wall of shoulders. "That guy there," answered a voice. "There's something wrong with him."

The techs swarmed around him, the others now forgotten. Two of them reached for his arms and got him on his feet. "An orgy? I've never had one of those before, but I'm totally game. I do like people in uniforms."

"Can you get on here, or do you need help?" asked one, patting a gurney.

"Good thinking, that will be so much more comfortable than the gravel. How about I lie down and then you can just all take turns?" he suggested, already climbing on.

The moment he was on his back they were strapping him down. "Oh, you're kinky. Okay, I can work with that. I think it'll be easier if you take my pants off first, though... ah, you want to do it in the privacy of the ambulance. That's fine. I really don't mind doing it out here but of course I respect your feelings," he added as they started to roll him across the now-crowded lot.

"Sir, have you taken any drugs?" asked the tech at his side.

"Only my pills."

She leaned forwards to speak to the tech in the passenger seat. "Get on the line with Mercy. Tell them we're bringing in a detox."

"I don't think that's necessary," Loki told her. "I just need to have sex."

"Do you remember what pills you took?"

"If I tell you, will you have sex with me?" he bargained.

"If you tell me, I'll be gentle with your blood draw."

He sighed. "I take cinnamon, turmeric, ginseng, pau d'arco, green tea extract, cayenne, royal jelly, milk thistle, ashwaganda, and evening primrose oil."

"Isn't that for PMS?" asked the driver.

"It's the number six best selling herbal supplement on Amazon. It's got to be good," Loki said.

"Okay," said the EMT next to him. Her throat seemed to be working a lot. "How about anything recreational? MDMA?"

"I don't know what that is."

"Ecstasy? Beans? Candy? Molly?"

"Molly?" Loki said, perking up.

"You took Molly?"

"Not yet. Is she here? Is she cute?" he asked, trying to sit up and look around.

"Fine, we'll just do a blood test."

"Ow!" Loki complained when she pricked his finger.

"I'll be damned," she muttered a few minutes later. "You were telling the truth. Turn us around!" she called to the front. "He's sober. I'll radio Peaceful Grove and tell them they've got a sex addict on the way."

"I think that's a little harsh. I need to have sex or I'll die. It's totally different," Loki told her.

Peaceful Grove had a doctor waiting to see him. "Hello, Loki, I'm Dr. Goodman," she said when he was shown into her office.

"I'm not crazy," he told her intently.

"I don't like to use the word crazy," she told him. "Sometimes people need help with their problems, and there's nothing wrong with that. It can take a lot of courage."

"Thank you! See, that's what I've been saying. I just needed someone who would listen to me."

"I'm listening now."

"Okay. I don't know why, but I need to have sex or I'm going to die."

"No one dies from a lack of sex, Loki," she told him with a gentle smile.

He was not at all convinced. His need had gone past hunger and was now pushing into physical pain. " _I_ will. I can tell." His skin was burning and the stillness of the air was suffocating, and she just kept talking. He answered her questions because he didn't want to be impolite, but it was getting more difficult by the minute. Finally she frowned and stood up. Her hand felt like ice on his forehead. Blissful, blissful ice.

"You're burning up," she told him. She sat down at her desk, filled out a form, and fed it into a scanner before picking up the phone. "Hello, this is Dr. Goodman at Peaceful Grove. I'm ordering a transfer of a patient who was just brought in. I sent over an electronic order, number eight-two-two-four- yes, Loki, that's the one. His condition is worsening rapidly, and, strange as it seems, I can find no evidence of anything psychologically wrong with him."

"I'm maybe a little high-strung," Loki pointed out.

"Nothing psychological causing his current condition," she said. "But he's running a fever, and I want him over there."

She paused, nodding, and spoke again. "Okay. We'll have him ready. Thanks." She hung up and turned to Loki. "I'm transferring you to Mercy General."

"Oh. Could you maybe get me an ambulance crew that's a little more... like, laid back? You know. DTF."

"It's almost eight am. They've been working all night on sick and injured people. No one is going to be DTF."

"Not even a little?"


	4. Chapter 4

If the first ambulance ride had been rough, this one was hell. Dr Goodman had been right about the crew, for one thing. Also, he was so hard, and he'd been hard so long, that every little bump in the road jostled his dick against the inside of his boxers and made it worse and why in God's name had he decided to wear silk ones today? And no one seemed to believe him when he tried to explain what he needed.

There was a crew waiting when they pulled up to the ER. Loki was kept on his gurney and whisked straight to triage where they took his temperature and put him in a gown and started an IV.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor when he came in.

Loki pointed at the big tent in his gown.

"Have you taken any Viagra?"

"No."

"Cialis?"

"No."

"Levitra?"

"No, and they already asked me all this stuff in the ambulance and again at the first place I went. It just _happened_ out of nowhere."

"In my experience, nothing happens out of nowhere, sir."

Loki thought about the strange glowing thing he saw fall from the sky. The thing he touched all over and picked up just minutes before these strange symptoms started. He decided that there was no way that could have been it, and anyway, if he told, someone might try to steal it. " _This_ did," he said obstinately.

"Well, your temperature is climbing rapidly, so I'm sending you to ICU and ordering some tests. We'll start with something to lower your temperature and see what the lab says. We may have to put you in an ice bath but I try to avoid those."

Loki thought about how awful ice would feel on his poor, aching, miserable dick. "Please try very hard," he said.

He was taken up a floor and installed in a room where someone was snoring in the other bed. He got two more bracelets and someone brought him a cup of water and some pills, and then he found himself alone for way too long before someone else showed up.

"Oh, thank goodness. Are you here to have sex with me?" he asked.

"Sir, I'm the phlebotomist."

The phlebotomist was about Loki's grandma's age and smelled like cabbage.

"Okay, but as long as you're here, would you like to have sex with me?"

Any port in a storm.

She looked at him. “Left arm, please.”

“That’s not really the kind of foreplay I’m into,” he explained. “Well, right now I’m not into any but I’m sure I could manage something serviceable. But not needles.”

“Left arm, please.”

 

The doctor reappeared several hours later. “We haven’t gotten back all of the test results yet, but the quick ones have given me enough to recognize that your condition is very serious. I’ve never seen hormone levels this high. We won’t know for sure without more tests, but based on my experience I am confident in saying that you have an extremely serious case of insatiaitis.”

“I’ve never heard of that before.”

“That’s because no one has ever had it before. But I can tell that you have a particularly bad case.”

Loki flinched. “How bad is it?”

"It is my clinical opinion that if you do not have sex at least fourteen times a day, you will die."

Loki looked at the clock. 4:37 pm. "But the day is half over and I haven't even done it once."

The doctor stood up. "I know a good dive bar."

"Where?"

"Across town, First and Hermano."

"We'll never make it in time."

"We will if we take an ambulance," the doctor said grimly.

They left him hooked up to the IV because it was faster than taking it out. An orderly got Loki into a wheelchair as the doctor called down to the ER to have them ready a transport. “Filthy Slut,” he said into the phone as the orderly knelt to put booties on Loki’s bare feet.

A barrage of yelling made the doctor move the phone away from his ear. “No, no, that’s our destination. The Filthy Slut. It’s at First and- yeah, yeah, that one.”

He was rushed back downstairs in a wheelchair and loaded into yet another ambulance. The doctor sat down on the small bench at his side and took out his IV as they started to move. He felt Loki's pulse and frowned.

There was a storm moving in, the skies darkening rapidly as he watched out the rear windows. He was fading fast now, he could tell. It was starting to look like this was it for him. It had been a good life, he supposed, no major tragedies until it came to dying at twenty-eight from not getting laid.

The ambulance jerked to an abrupt halt and the doctor moved forwards, sticking his head into the cab to ask what was going on. That was when Loki saw it. He raised a weak hand, reaching out for something only he could see. "What a beautiful light..."

The doctor looked down at him. "Oh, no. No, no, no. Hold on! Don't you die on me, dammit!"

"It's right behind you... look..."

The doctor turned around just as the doors flew open. The light was shining upon them and Loki arched up into it as the doctor gasped. “Is that… A flying saucer?”

“I think so. Oh, it’s so beautiful…”

The saucer’s form could be only half-seen past the lights that danced around it, every color of the rainbow and several Loki had never even dreamed. It was difficult to focus his eyes past its brightness, but as he squinted he was able to make out a humanoid shape. They watched as it grew closer until it reached the ambulance and the image resolved itself into a sex god.

“You must be the one who found our research probe. Our apologies. There was a malfunction in the ejection chute and the pod came down to earth rather than being sent into orbit, where the void would have rendered it harmless.”

“Are you here to have sex with me?” Loki breathed.

The being nodded. “You will wish to scream my name. It is Thor.”


	5. Chapter 5

The doctor stared at him. "You're from outer space?" 

"To us, your world is outer space. But yes, my home is not of this earth." 

"If you're an alien, how are you speaking English?" asked the doctor. 

They were distracted by Loki's faint moan. 

“I’ll explain later,” Thor said. 

“So you’ve seen this condition before?” 

Thor sighed. “There was an epidemic aboard one of our research ships. When they sent a probe to learn more about your planet, they did not yet realize that they were infected. The moment their symptoms began, they contacted the home world to report the possibility that a contaminated probe had crashed, and I was assigned the task of retrieving it and ensuring that no lasting harm came to your people.” 

“You said you’re here to treat him?” 

Thor nodded. “His body will eventually fight off the infection, as long as it is kept alive long enough to do so.” 

“And you keep me alive by having sex with me, right?” Loki interrupted. 

Thor turned to him. “Exactly." 

"Welp, that's my cue to go," the doctor said. 

"Can you take us to my house?" asked Loki. 

"As fast as we possibly can." 

The door slammed shut and Thor and Loki were alone. 

Loki looked at him, his gaze raking over the sculpted face and gleaming locks, the broad shoulders and massive arms. "Can it be the kind of sex that has 'wild' and 'monkey' in the description?" 

Thor looked confused. "But your species is a member of the great apes." 

"It's a euphemism." 

"Ah. Those don't always translate so well. Yes, it can be that sort of sex if you wish." 

"Do you look human under your clothes, too?" 

"I'll let you answer that." 

Loki's hospital gown was torn away easily enough but Thor had on several layers and Loki wondered, as he watched Thor strip, if aliens dressed like that all the time, or if it was a space suit. The third layer clung like leather and if Loki hadn't wanted to see the rest of him so very badly he would have wanted him to wear it forever. Another wave of lust seared across his skin and he whimpered helplessly. 

"No time," Thor muttered to himself. "I'll get this off later, alright? There are so many straps and buckles, I don't think we can risk the wait." 

"Okay. I'll manage somehow," Loki said. 

As big (and muscular and tall and sculpted) as Thor was, he didn't really look big enough to break the gurney, but the second he climbed up on it the legs shattered and the two of them fell to the floor of the ambulance. The mattress was thick enough that Loki just had the air knocked out of him and Thor didn't seem affected at all. 

Thor didn't bother with foreplay, which normally Loki would find rather impolite but right now he was only too glad to have that huge warm hand wrap around his cock and start stroking. It felt like all the sex he'd ever had all happening at once and within seconds he was bucking and keening and the music playing in the front of the ambulance grew louder. 

The relief was brutal in both its intensity and its brevity. He didn't even have time to blush at how mortifyingly fast he came before Thor was stroking him again, his still-hard cock throbbing with each beat of his heart. 

The ambulance rolled to a stop as Loki screamed (yes, Thor's name) his way through another orgasm. The back doors opened and the doctor stood there, eyes pointedly fixed on the sky. "Here you go," he said. "You can go now. Bye." 

Thor twisted around to look outside. "How long will it take us to reach your abode?" 

"It's right there," Loki answered, pointing. "Maybe thirty seconds?" 

Thor shook his head. "I can't risk it." He climbed out of the back, drew Loki down towards him, and then those sensuous lips were sliding down around his cock and apparently aliens didn't need to breathe because he wasn't coming up for a break. He got Loki's cock right down his throat and kept it there while he wrapped his arms beneath Loki's hips and picked him up. He strode across the lawn without drawing away, still sucking on him like he was the world's best lollipop and Loki prayed that every single one of the neighbors were watching, especially that jerk Todd Danceny across the street. 


	6. Chapter 6

They were halfway to the door when Loki realized. "Thor, my keys. They're in my backpack."

"I have a magneto-tronic manipulator. As long as the lock is metal, I can open it."

Thor had popped off Loki's cock just long enough to talk. Now he dove back down, taking it all in again with a deep rumble of satisfaction that Loki hoped was loud enough the neighbors didn't miss it.

"The pod is in my backpack, too."

Thor spun on his heel to go back to the ambulance. He did this so effortlessly, walking around while sucking Loki off and steering perfectly even though he couldn't see. Maybe they could take a stroll around the block. That would be nice.

"Do you have Loki's backpack?" Thor demanded.

"It's at the hospital," said the doctor.

"It must be put in a quarantine area. Treat it as you would a biohazard."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what we'd planned. We're just getting your clothes bagged up here and then we'll be on our way. I figured we'd just leave them on the porch."

Thor nodded. "Very well. Thank you."

At that Loki spoke up. "It's okay. I don't mind waiting out here, if you'll just..." he said, trying to shove Thor's head back down.

Thor's eyes flared wide. "You are feeling exhibitionistic?"

"That's the word. Thank you. Yes, I want everyone to see, all my neighbors, maybe we can get a tv crew down here. Can someone call the local stations?"

"Oh, no. That's the final phase. He's even worse off than I'd thought," Thor gasped. He ran back to the door, still carrying Loki, and opened it not with his magneto-thingy but with a blow from his powerful fist.

"Fuck, that's hot," Loki moaned.

Thor's mouth was stuffed too full for anything more than a stifled _mmmm_ in reply. The moment they were out of sight of the entryway he fell to his knees, laying Loki down and hovering over him like some sexy primeval dragonfly.

Loki managed to twist around enough to grab a pillow from the sofa. He needed his head raised to watch what was going on and he couldn't use his hands because they itched to reach down to stroke Thor's hair, to touch his shoulders as he somehow wrangled himself free of his clothing without having to pause his attentions for one instant.

His skin was soft, his arms felt even bigger without the tight leather constricting the muscle, and Loki got an answer to his question: under his clothes, Thor looked human but _better_. Also, his tongue was supple and determined, his mouth wet and hot, and his throat apparently lacked any reflex other than the urge to tighten exquisitely around Loki's cock each time he took it all the way in. He didn't really seem to need air, either. He was every sexual fantasy come to life and Loki did not fantasize half-assed.

Thor sucked him off twice and he was still just as hard as before. It hadn't even gone down to a semi, not even right after. He was still reeling from his second orgasm when Thor began to crawl upwards, all tight controlled power, until he was straddling Loki's chest, his cock twitching against Loki's lips.

Loki gave it a slow and messy lick. "So I take it that me blowing you also helps make me better?"

"It does."

"How does that work? Of course I'm more than happy to return the favor. I'm just curious."

"I'll explain later," Thor said.

"Hush up and take my medicine?" Loki grinned.

Thor's smile matched his own. "Something like that. Right now we need to focus on saving your life. Open up."

Just like with his looks, Thor's cock tasted human but better. Cock plus. Was that a hint of cocoa he smelled? Something like it, anyway. His mouth was rich with dark musk and cocoa and probably some sort of pheromone-painkiller because how his jaw could handle this without even a twinge of discomfort was a mystery. And... fuck, Thor was sliding all the way in, each thrust ending with impossibly soft curls pressed to Loki's lips, he'd never been able to do this before and now it was effortless.

Loki had gone to Hawaii once. He'd loved everything but his most treasured memory was one of the simplest: sitting on the beach, eating tropical fruits he'd just bought at a farmer's market, sticky-sweet juice dripping down his chin and a breath of salt dancing along the ocean breeze. Thor's cum was like if instead of Loki cutting up the fruit, the fruit had been face-fucking him, and also was huge and sexy and an alien instead of a pineapple.

Thor stayed hard, too.

"Can we do that again?" Loki asked.

Thor put his hand on Loki's forehead. "Your fever is still very high. Yes, I think we must."


	7. Chapter 7

Somehow, blowing Thor was even better the second time. Maybe because he wasn't distracted by sheer amazement the way he was before, so his mind was freed up to think about just how fucking _good_ it was. He wondered if he was doing it better, too, but it was impossible to tell. Thor was making the same appreciative noises, lots of rich _mmm_ s and heady _aaah_ s that were so hot Loki couldn't help echoing them.

They had flipped over so that Thor lay on his back and Loki was stretched out between his legs, and it left Thor's hands free to roam everywhere within reach. Careful fingertips ran over Loki's cheekbones, tracing through the hollows made beneath them as he sucked, broad palms curled around his shoulders and ran down his arms. He slotted his fingers through Loki's hair and as he got close began offering the gentlest guidance on how he wanted Loki to move.

"It's okay. You can be rough," Loki told him when he came up for a sorely lamented oxygen break.

It wasn't the first time Loki had said that to someone. Sometimes they took it like a dare, like they wanted to see how rough he could really take it. Others treated it as mere politeness, going almost no harder at all. What Loki craved was for someone to find the very edge of overwhelming and dance upon it. Thor found it instantly and he didn't just dance on it, he owned the stage. The Baryshnikov of face-fucking.

Thor was _still_ hard after he came again, all that luscious nectar making Loki splutter and lick his lips for more. Thor seemed to enjoy watching Loki's enjoyment, too, which really was only fair.

"You fever is beginning to drop," Thor said after checking his forehead again.

"That doesn't mean you're done, does it?" Loki asked, worried.

"Not at all. It means we're pursuing the proper treatment and it would be wholly unethical for me to stop now. But I do think it means we can safely pause long enough to move somewhere more comfortable."

"My bed. It's upstairs," Loki told him, trying to remember just how bad the mess was. When Thor rose to his feet and stood over Loki's pleading body, though, and when Thor scooped him up like he was a clingy needy lust-kitten, he totally forgot to care.

"First door on the left," he murmured into Thor's neck as they reached the top of the stairs. He had his legs wrapped around Thor's waist and was trying shamelessly to rub himself off against those rows upon rows of muscle.

Thor stepped right up onto the bed, kneeling and settling Loki onto his back in one long smooth motion. He lowered himself and nudged Loki's thighs farther apart and just as Loki was saying, "No, wait," he was pushing inside.

Thor's eyes flared wide in alarm. "I'm sorry. Would you prefer a different position?"

"Later. This is good," Loki gasped. "It's just that humans can't usually do this without some prep. Lube, stretching."

"I'm a doctor," Thor explained.

Loki decided to save his questions for later because right now there was a _perfect_ cock buried in his ass and it didn't even burn and he really needed it to be moving. He curled his hips, taking it that last bit deeper. "Please."

"Very well."

And _fuck_ , wasn't that delicious, that slow pull back out that left him reeling, clinging to Thor like a barnacle on the world's sexiest ocean liner and begging to be filled again, "Please, please, I need it," gasping and clutching with clumsy hands.

"This? Is this what you want?" Thor asked, rubbing his cock against Loki's entrance to tease him.

Loki could only whimper in answer until Thor took pity on him, thrusting back inside. In, out, in, out, getting faster, in and out, in and out, faster still, in and out and in and out and Thor reached between them to grasp Loki's cock and just as he took hold of it he started screeching.

"Jesus! What?" Loki spluttered, staring up at him in shock.

Thor froze. "What-what? Is that not like the cry of a monkey? It's the best I can do."

"Oh," Loki gasped, laughing.

"You did ask for 'wild monkey sex.' You requested that specifically."

"But then I said it's a euphemism."

"And I told you those don't translate well. I'm doing my best here," Thor pointed out.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I was startled, is all. And your best is really something."

"Yeah? You like that?" Thor's cock gave a twitch inside him and he gasped. "Ooo, I would say you do."

"Uh-huh. Mmm, do that again."

Thor did do it again just as he started stroking Loki's cock and then he was going again, full throttle, and Loki came with a choked gasp.


	8. Chapter 8

Loki hadn't even caught his breath before Thor was slinging one leg over him and sliding down on his cock. He felt hotter than a human, and so tight it was just short of uncomfortable. _Just_ short, of course, meant as good as it could get, clenching and fluttering all around as he bounced and moaned. Loki dug his fingers into Thor's broad thighs and drank in the tense and shift of muscle.

This time Loki didn't stay hard after he came, and while more still sounded like a good idea he no longer felt like he might die without it.

"How are you feeling?" Thor asked.

"I'm... better, I think. Yeah. Almost normal," he realized as his head slowly cleared. He was also happy to discover that he hadn't been wearing space-sex-virus goggles; Thor really was that hot.

Thor felt his forehead and gave him a radiant smile. "Your fever has broken. I want you can to eat something, start rebuilding your strength. How do your people eat?"

"We put food in our mouths and chew it before swallowing, and when it reaches the stomach-"

"No, no, I meant... The briefing video said that some parts of your country get delivery through grubhub and others use seamless even though they're the same company, and-"

"Oh. We use grubhub here."

"What do you wish to eat?" Thor asked.

Loki shrugged. "Is there anything you're curious about?"

After a long recitation of all the foods Thor was curious about, Loki gave him his phone and told him to go nuts. By the time he'd placed the order (orders, rather, he wanted to try basically everything available), Loki was beginning to feel... squirmy.

"Thor, I think it's coming back."

This time when Thor felt his forehead, he frowned. "I think we had better do your exam now." He went down the stairs and when he returned he was carrying his clothes. Loki watched, curious, as Thor rummaged through his pockets. "Ah. There it is."

"What is that?" Loki asked as Thor began to move a beeping wand up and down around Loki's sweating body.

"It's a virus detector. It shows me how much is still in your system, and... damn," he muttered as the wand began shrieking right into Loki's ear.

"What? What's that mean?"

"I'm not sure. I need some other tests to confirm it."

Loki tried to wait patiently as Thor did things with other things, his face growing grimmer with each and making Loki more scared. At last he shook his head. "There's no doubt. It's crossed the blood-brain barrier. It's taken up residence in your nervous system."

"What? What does that mean?"

Thor's voice was grave. "Your body will not be able to fight it off. This doesn't happen to my people. I'm so terribly sorry."

The panic was enough to distract him from the urgency that was building back up far too quickly. "Isn't there a specialist or something? Someone to help?"

"I'm the universe's foremost authority on this virus."

Loki tried to keep his lip from trembling. "So that's it? I'm just going to die?"

"Oh, goodness, no!" Thor looked shocked. "Nothing like that. The treatments _do_ keep it under control. But you'll have to keep receiving them for the rest of your life. I would guess three to four times a day, at the very least. I'm so sorry."

"I see. And... who will I be getting them from?"

"I am ethically bound to provide you with the best possible care. Unless there's someone else you have in mind."

"No. You'll do," Loki said.

"Thank you. To tell you the truth, I would be very grateful."

"Yeah?"

Thor nodded. "It is difficult for my research to progress. There is little more to be learned from my people, as it would be wholly unethical for me to deprive them of treatment in order to carry out my research. You offer the perfect opportunity to make a huge leap forward in our knowledge of this illness without going against those rules I hold sacred. And... I like you."

"I like you, too."

"How do you feel about going to live on Mars? I suppose I could have a few essentials from my lab moved here, but..."

"You have a lab? A sex lab?"

"With every pleasure device invented by every species known to invent them."

Loki swallowed. "That sounds like a lot."

"It is."

"I just need a minute to call my grandma. I hope she doesn't get too upset," Loki said. It was the truth, though he really would have cared more if she hadn't been so blasé about getting him arrested.

Thor nodded. "Would you like to be alone?"

Loki shook his head. "Stay with me?"

"Of course."

He took a deep breath and picked up the phone. "Hi, Grandma."

"Loki! Hello, dear. I have some exciting news."

"Yeah? So do I. Grandma, I'm... I'm moving, so I won't get to see you as often."

"Moving? What's taking you away?"

He tried to think of the best way to phrase it. "I met a doctor."

"You bagged a doctor? Oh, way to go, sweetie. Is he hot?"

Loki looked at Thor. "You could say that."

"Then we're both happy. I have some good news, too. You remember the bingo caller I told you about?"

"Yeah."

"We're an item! So I probably wouldn't have time for you to visit so much anyway, what with him giving me my beauty treatments, if you know what I mean."

He closed his eyes, like that might help. "Yeah, Grandma. I do. I'm really happy for you."

"Well, you have a good time with your doctor, dear."

"Thanks. I hope you and your bingo caller are really happy."

"I'm sure we will be. I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too, Grandma."

They hung up and Loki turned to Thor. "How much of my stuff is there room for me to bring?"

"Don't worry about that. I'll send a team to pack for you. What you _do_ need to think about is what you want to do next. It's time for you to get your medicine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, another Silly September draws to a close, but not without a surprise double-feature. If you're not subscribed to my updates, don't miss the newest chapter of [ Frost Kitties Are People, Too. ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2084151/chapters/27778056) Thanks so much for reading and letting me know that I've made you laugh. :D


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